What are you seeking?

Yesterday I was at a coffee shop and I noticed a man's computer next to me. He was looking at Craigslist, and the moment I glanced over, I saw a picture of a woman, with the words "45-year old woman seeking soul mate" next to the picture. The man was older, possibly homeless, and before I had seen his computer, my selfish heart had wanted to avoid talking to him, thinking it would be uncomfortable and awkward. But at that moment, my heart broke for him, and for my selfish response to him.

We all, whether we admit it or not, are seeking something, whether it be a relationship, a job, a family, exciting experiences, fame, etc. I imagined what my life would be like if I were in his shoes: older, on the poorer side, alone. I imagine I would be seeking the same things. But even if that is to be my life--even if I am to grow old, and be poor, and be single--I know and am in love with Someone who can make all those things "loss"--Christ. Who knows? Maybe that is the life God is calling me to, and if it is, it is His best for me, as it is His best for this man that I met at the coffee shop.

I did end up talking to the man, and he seemed to have some understanding of Christianity, if it was slightly confused. But my interaction with him made me realize two things. First, it was another example of something God has been showing me lately; namely, that we are called to love everyone. Obvious, I know. But I've recognized recently how much I judge people. And yet, this man needs and is seeking the exact same thing I need and am seeking--an unconditional Love that will be there to protect, to defend, to honor, to encourage, to uplift, to carry, to die for, to save me. Maybe he's looking in the wrong place, but he knows he needs it. And I know where he can find it--in Jesus Christ. Who am I to judge people who demonstrate the exact same yearning and desire and need for love that I so desperately need? All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and all of us need God's grace to bring us back to Him.

I also was reminded of the futility of seeking anything apart from Christ. I recently finished reading the book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and this quote from the end of the book really puts into words what I witnessed to be true yesterday:

The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

It is so easy for me to seek Christ as a means to an end--to get rid of shameful sin, to look good among my peers, to feel "good" about myself. But, as I was reminded yesterday in Charles Spurgeon's All of Grace, Jesus came to justify the ungodly. What a thought! Not only is it possible for Christ to save the ungodly, it is exclusive that He does so. He only comes to save those that recognize their sinfulness and need for a Savior. He is not just anyone to be used and tossed aside after I've gotten what I want from Him. He is the Sovereign King of the Universe who humbled Himself to become a human (as C.S. Lewis said, imagine agreeing to become a slug, and you might understand what it meant that Christ agreed to become human) so that He could save those who recognize they are so absolutely unworthy of being saved (which, in a paradoxical way, is the only thing that does in fact "qualify" them to be saved). I want to set myself toward following Him, not toward following the petty desires that may lead me to Him to the extent that I believe He can help me satisfy those desires. Because He will not make an idolater out of me; He will not let me follow Himself just to get to something else. He is determined to make me perfect, and to break me of whatever I am enslaved to so that He can reveal to me His original, fantastic purpose for my life, for my soul--the person He intended and still intends to present before the Father.

So, my prayer would be twofold. First of all, I need prayer for God to replace my judgmental heart with one that is gracious and loving, and that I would be humbled to serve His creatures as He has served me. Secondly, my prayer is that during my time in Hungary, I would stay my heart on Christ and nothing else. That I would ask for Christ, and be answered by Him. That I would seek for Christ, and I would find Him. And that I would knock at His doors, and be welcomed in.