Learning to Follow His Lead

I'm weird about my birthday. Every year, I wait with anxious anticipation for weeks in advance for that day, that glorious day (March 3, in my case) to arrive. And every year, I am inevitably disappointed as the expectations I have fall short of reality.

So, this year, I wanted to do something different. I thought, "Well, if I don't have any expectations, then it can only go up from there!" So, as March 3 drew nearer, I tried to distract myself with anything and everything, trying to ignore that my birthday was coming up fast.

When I awoke this morning, I was feeling pretty good. I got up, took a shower, and got ready for the day. But as soon as I talked to the first person to come in the bathroom after me, I found I was still disappointed and sad. I really wanted to be acknowledged and affirmed and excited for my birthday, and wanted people to join with me in that.

As I struggled against feeling sad, I came into the intern office to do my devotions. Each day, I read three different devotionals--Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening; Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest; and L.B. Cowman's Streams in the Desert. God's sovereign hand was certainly moving in my heart as I read each of these devotionals in turn.

God's Spirit reminded me that whatever He had planned for my day, whether joy or sorrow, would be good, because it was His chosen plan for me, and He would be with me in it. He also reminded me that, regardless of the day of year, He is always with me and He is always to be the source of all my expectations [Psalm 62:5]. How important it is to always make the LORD and the LORD alone the source of my expectations! As I started to think about the things He was showing me, I realized these were goals He had for me for this next year. That today is the first day of many that I am to commit my life and all my expectations, hopes, dreams, fears, sorrows, trials to Him--to God I shall commit my cause, who does wonderful, marvelous things without number [Job 5:8-9]! In the same vein, He showed me how I need to fight and fight hard to keep my heart satisfied in Him, and not distracted by the things of this world or my own flesh or the devil. I read this morning in 2 Samuel about Shammah the son of Agee, one of David's mighty men. Of all the victories I'm sure that Shammah accomplished, this is the one the Holy Spirit chose to have written in His Word forever: "He stationed himself in the middle of the field, defended it, and killed the Philistines. So the LORD brought about a great victory" [2 Samuel 23:12]. Shammah, rather than shying away from difficult situations or trials, set himself squarely in the middle of the field to defend it and fight against the enemy. How often do I fall short of this standard! I generally fail to even guard myself and the truth of God properly, but to fight and destroy the enemy? That is impossible. And yet in my moment of doubt and weakness, I hear His truth--With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

He reminded me that I am to look to Him--to His riches and His glorious gifts--for my satisfaction and salvation; that He has better plans for my life, for my days, for my hours, for my minutes, than I could ever have. And He reminded me of my calling here--to feed His sheep. Whether in Hungary or elsewhere, my life's calling is to be poured out for His sheep--to see that they are fed and rested and taken care of. And as I pour myself out for His sheep, I can be certain that my Heavenly Father is taking care of this Little Lamb's needs.

And this morning, He gave me exactly what I needed--time in the Word and in prayer with friends, and a reminder that He is the one whose way is perfect, and who makes my way perfect [2 Samuel 22:31, 33]. Though it has so far been a different birthday than any other I've had, different is not always a bad thing, as I often assume it is. God Himself said, "Behold, I am doing a NEW thing; now it springs forth--do you not perceive it?" [Isaiah 43:18] No matter what curves are in the road, though, I can trust Him, and can always follow His leading, even if it's down a path that seems to be sad or lonely. For because my Heavenly Father sees and knows best, I am freed to embrace each new day as it comes, knowing that it is exactly what my Father has gifted to me for that day.