Somebody's Baby

There’s a song by Jon Foreman called “Somebody’s Baby” that has been on my mind a lot the last few days. Here are the lyrics…

She yells, “If you were homeless, sure as hell you'd be drunk

Or high or trying to get there,

Or begging for junk—

When people don't want you, they just throw you money for beer.”

Her name is November, 


She went by Autumn or Fall.


It was seven long years since the Autumn


when all of her nightmares grew fingers
and all of her dreams grew tears.

Chorus:
She's somebody's baby,

Somebody's baby girl. (x2)

And she's Somebody's baby still.

She screams, “Well, if you've never gone it alone;


Well, then go ahead—you better throw the first stone.

You got one lonely stoner waiting to bring to her knees.”

She dreams about heaven,

Remembering Hell,
as the nightmare she visits

And knows all to well—every now and again 
when she's sober,

She brushes her teeth



(Chorus)



Today was her birthday, strangely enough,

When the cops found her body at the foot of the bluff.

The anonymous caller this morning tipped off the police.

They got her ID from her dental remains—

The same fillings intact, the same nicotine stains.

The birth and the death were both over,

With no one to grieve.

(Chorus)

Yesterday, I went into Budapest with a few of my friends from the castle, and that song was stuck in my head all day. At the beginning of the day, I found myself saying aloud, “It would really be awful to be homeless here, because it’s so cold.” Later yesterday night, we were walking to the Metro station, and we walked down this street with a lot of abandoned storefronts. The sidewalk and the storefronts were shielded by an arch that kept out the cold and the snow a little bit. As we walked, I was heartbroken to see many men and women cuddled up in the abandoned store fronts under piles of blankets, trying to sleep and stay warm. This song echoed even louder in my mind as I struggled to maintain control of my emotions. One woman caught my attention, as she looked at me as I passed. I found myself muttering to myself, “She’s somebody’s baby girl—and she’s God’s baby still.” As I walked by, I smiled at her and wondered if there was something I could do to help. I didn’t want to just give her money—I wanted her to feel loved and be met in her very evident need of warmth. But, for the moment, I just continued to walk.

When we got to the metro, we dropped the boys off, and my friend Lyssandra and I sat down in a coffee shop and started to chat. As we were talking, I had the desire to just read the Word and pray, so we did. As we were praying (by this point, we had left the coffee shop and were walking back to the walking street to get dinner), Lyssandra prayed, “Lord, if there is anything we can do to help the homeless people, just lay it on our hearts right now.” At that moment, the Holy Spirit reminded me that I had thrown an extra beanie in my bag that morning for no apparent reason—I just felt like I should take it, just in case. As we passed by the same street where these men and women were sleeping, I saw her again, and went right up to her, beanie in hand. I smiled, forgetting at the moment how to say “Jesus loves you” in Hungarian (I think it’s something like “Jezus szeretlek teged”… I should figure that out), and handed her the beanie.

Later, after dinner, as Lyssandra and I were walking back to the metro to meet the guys, we passed by the woman, and I was heartbroken and blessed to see her beautiful face, with bright eyes, peaking out from beneath the hat I’d given her. She waved to me with a grin on her face.

She’s somebody’s baby girl, and she’s Somebody’s baby still.

Why Christians Need The Gospel

So, I’ll confess. I have had better weekends than this one. Here at the Bible College, each one of us is involved in practical ministry classes where we perform some sort of servant-hood activity that benefits our brothers and sisters here. My ministry this semester has been housekeeping in the coffee shop—i.e. vacuuming, dusting, and mopping the coffee shop from top to bottom every day. But, at the beginning of the semester, everyone was also assigned a weekend for which they would do what is known as “weekend team”—for the girls, this means serving six meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner on Sat/Sun) and for the guys, doing dish room for the same meals. Most students were assigned one weekend for which to be on weekend team. I, by God’s sovereignty, got two weekends—the weekend after our very first week of school, and this weekend.

This weekend, in addition to being (one of) my weekend(s) for weekend team, was also a huge conference of 100+ people, and though we were warned that there was a conference this weekend, I definitely was not prepared for how much of a trial it would be. Unbeknownst to me, this group has been to conferences here before, and, to put it nicely, are sometimes not the easiest people to deal with. In addition, the schedule for their conference was never quite set in stone, so the meals took upwards of two, two and a half hours to be fully done with. Doing the math, that is at least six hours in a day, which is almost the same as a full day of work.

This morning, I woke up exhausted and not wanting to go serve. Then, those feelings of frustration, exhaustion, and indignation just increased as I actually served. By the time breakfast was over two and a half hours later, I was on the verge of tears. I went outside and started to pray very, ehem, honestly to God. “God I am so angry! Why is this happening? Why are they being so rude? Why does this suck so much? Why did I of all people get weekend team twice? I’m SO tired,” all the while thinking in my head, “Like a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth” and “Christ, who being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men” and “For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” So, of course, my prayers changed from indignation to desperation. “God, I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I’m so tired. I’m so upset and frustrated. I don’t want to be. I need You so badly. There’s no way I can do this on my own. Help my unbelief!” I was fumbling through my Bible, trying to find something, anything to read, and as I was about to stop on a page, a breeze blew the page over and down, and my eyes rested on this verse: “For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul” [Jeremiah 31:25]. Needless to say, this was exactly what I needed to read. But my heart was still so agitated from these feelings of anger, indignation, pride, frustration, hurt, exhaustion that I couldn’t believe it in that moment, though I wanted so badly to.

I felt this morning like a little kid fighting with my father—struggling and struggling, at first, but then becoming so exhausted and frustrated in the struggle that they just start crying. They need to be calmed, to be soothed, and they can’t help themselves at all. I am so grateful for my Father, that through all my complaining and struggling, and then helpless crying, He soothed my troubled soul, satiated my weary soul, replenished my sorrowful soul. I was defeated in my flesh, there is no doubt—but He reminded me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness.” I needed to be exhausted of my resources for Him to show Himself great in me.

This is why Christians need the Gospel. We need the Gospel because we need the reassurance that Christ has defeated the grave and in it, has defeated the sin that clings to us and wearies our souls. We need the Gospel because we need the eyes that Christ has for people—to look out on a crowd that is pushy, frustrating, and needy, when we ourselves are exhausted and weak, and see them with eyes of compassion, as sheep in need of a Shepherd. We need the Gospel because we need the humility of the Cross—of a Savior who humbled Himself to the point of death, not counting equality with God a thing to be clutched, but made Himself nothing. We need the Gospel because we need the promise that, though we fail, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. We need the Gospel because we need a Father, and we need His Spirit of Adoption. We need the Gospel because we need strength in weakness and grace in times of testing. We need the Gospel because we can fail, but He is perfect. We need the Gospel, because the Cross gives us access to the throne room, where we can receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. We need the Gospel, because we need Him.

God's Oil

A certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, saying, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the LORD. And the creditor is coming to take my two sons to be his slaves.” So Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” And she said, “Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.” Then he said, “God, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors—empty vessels; do not gather just a few. And when you have come in, you shall shut the door behind you and your sons; then pour it into all those vessels, and set aside the full ones.” So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons, who brought the vessels to her; and she poured it out. Now it came to pass, when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.” And he said to her, “There is not another vessel.” So the oil ceased. [2 Kings 4:1-6]

Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to read through the Old Testament a little bit. For those of you who know my Bible-reading habits, I have always had a difficult time getting myself to read the Old Testament. I know it offers a wealth of knowledge to the believer, but for some reason, I haven’t been able to dig up anything from it. However, God has blessed me with at least the diligence to read through some of the Old Testament this semester at Bible college, and I think I’m finally breaking through the ground and getting to the treasure beneath. The story above, found in 2 Kings 4, is one of those treasures. A few things caught my eye as I was reading through, and I wanted to share them with you.

First, as Elisha comes onto the scene, something stood out to me. Elisha asked her what she had in her home, and it is that very thing, the last thing that she possessed, that he calls her to give up. Oftentimes, I think Christ works in this same way. For a non-believer, it is Christ’s taking away the last thing we were clinging to that brings us the point of desperation for His salvation. It was that way for me, at least. And even to this day, as a believer, God is constantly taking away the things I most depend on—family, friends, feelings of security or comfort—in order to show Himself great in my weakness. This oil could’ve been used for food, for lighing lamps, for anointing, or for putting on wounds, even. It was the only thing of value that she had; and yet she willingly gave it over to Elisha to use as God instructed him. I wonder sometimes if I give up those things in my life that are so valuable to me with such willingness. For example, the desire to be married is one of the things that is so important to me; yet I still find it almost impossible to give that desire over the Lord. I find myself making excuses, saying, “But this is the way it’s supposed to be! Genesis 2:24, people. Shouldn’t God give this to me? This is too important and valuable for me to give up. How, oh how, could I ever trust God with this?” Obviously, the whole thing, particularly the last part, is ridiculous. And yet this is how many of us, from what I’ve seen, act so much of the time—unwilling to give the things that are of value to us to Him. But without giving those things to God, He cannot take them and make them valuable in His eyes, make them good on a whole new level.

Which brings me to my next point. What is the one thing that described the vessels Elisha asked the woman to bring to him? Empty. In order for God to fill us up with His goodness and with the transformed desires of our heart, we must first be empty. You can’t fill a vessel that is already full. And notice when the blessing of God to this woman ended—when there was no longer an empty vessel to fill. I think this is a very crucial point. We can’t accept the blessing of God if we are still clinging to our own ideas, desires, hopes for our lives. We have to empty ourselves of them to be full of God’s desires, hopes, and blessings for our lives. And if it happens that we are plugged up with our desires or even our sin, then the blessings of God cannot come to us, in a sense. Obviously, God blesses all of us every day with life and breath and sunshine, etc. and He is not hindered or interrupted in His purposes if He chooses to do something. But for the believer, there is a very real threat of having a heart so hardened by sin or so distracted by our own thoughts and our own ways that we can miss His blessing. He desires us to choose Him and His ways and His thoughts and His worship and His plans, not to just force them on us.

This is convicting for me, for often I am so caught up in this world and in my own ideas that I don’t believe God’s plan is really better for me. But as the often quoted but under appreciated Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” Trust in the LORD, trust in His vision, trust in His plans, trust in His will, trust in His purposes, trust in His desires, trust in His heart, and empty yourself of you—and you will not be disappointed in His glorious plan for your life. The things of this world are vanity apart from God. There is no good thing apart from God, nothing that is true, noble, just, pure, lovely; for every good and perfect gift is from above. Like Ecclesiastes often says, there is nothing new under the sun, and all is vain, empty, apart from God. As Paul said in front of the philosophers and thinkers at Athens, “in Him we live and move and have our being.” Or as he echoes in his letter to the Colossians, “All things were created through Him and for Him, and He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.” If only we had this all-consuming, all-encompassing vision of Christ! Pouring out a jar of oil would be nothing, for the God who makes the atoms that comprise that oil is for us, not against us. Trusting God for our finances would be simple, for the God that guides the powers of the earth and supplies the needs of His children has loved us with an everlasting love. Choosing to take up our cross would be easy, because the God who loved us so much that He sent His son to die for us has empowered us to put to death the flesh and walk in the freedom of the Spirit. Do you know the greatness of our God? He stretched out the heavens like a tent and He knows the stars by name. He brings rulers to nothing; He confuses the plans of leaders. He parts seas, calms storms, silences demons, cures disease, stops the mouths of lions, brings the dead to life. He speaks and who can turn it back? He is unchanging, everlasting, eternal, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace, Alpha and Omega. This is the God of the universe. And this is the God that loves you. Trust in Him and Him alone, for He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Ten Day Outreach :)

Hey all! As I think most of you know, I recently went on a ten-day outreach to Pecs, Hungary. It was INCREDIBLE! I wanted to give you all at least a small idea of the things I did and learned while there, so I'm going to post a paper I wrote about my trip here. Hope you enjoy! If you have any questions, feel free to comment and ask them and I will try to answer :)

Ten-day outreach. Wow. Where to even begin? God is so good to us. Throughout this whole trip, I was overwhelmed and blown away by the love and blessing God pours out on His children, particularly when they are obedient and submissive to Him.

For the ten-day outreach, I went to Pécs, Hungary. My team was lead by Wendy, Bolacs, Leah, Kim, and Andrew, and the rest of our team members were Sarah, Mana, Madi, Jamie, Cameron, Maksym, Matyas, and Ross. From a logistics standpoint, our schedule was pretty busy. We got into Pécs on Friday, October 21, and spent the day sharing testimonies, getting the schedule for the next week, and just generally preparing. Saturday we organized a youth night; Sunday we had church, then free time in the afternoon; Monday morning we visited an old-folks’ home and evening hosted a Bible study for the girls at the local university; Tuesday morning visited a different old-folks’ home and evening organized a prayer meeting; Wednesday morning did prison ministry and evening held church; Thursday morning organized and ran a homeless lunch, after which we had free time in the afternoon; Friday morning shared at a troubled high school and evening organized a youth night/concert; Saturday organized and ran a rummage sale, and then debriefed from the trip; and finally Sunday prepped for church and then headed home. In whatever free time we had, unless otherwise noted above, we made food, hung out with the church kids in the park, prepared for the events, etc.

I learned so much on this trip—God, help me remember all of it—that I will try to put into words. First of all, I don’t think I’ve ever realized the blessing of serving the LORD. I mean, I knew that the LORD does bless those that serve Him and is pleased by our faith in Him, but I have never experienced that more than I experienced on this trip. Though our team was so busy and so tired, God was not; He took our tiredness and busyness and turned it into His work. I feel like God ministered to me more than He did to anyone else we served, though obviously I’m in no position to judge that. There were all these times where we faced such spiritual attack; and yet He took all of those situations and turned them on their heads and used them for good (as in Genesis 50:20). God is triumphant—in our lives, in the church, over Satan. It is incredible, and I am so blessed to have seen His power and His victory at work over these last ten days. For example, when the girls on our team went to the prison on Wednesday, not only did every single woman we shared with cry (Leah had warned us that we shouldn’t expect any kind of response from them), but we also got to have a tour of the prison, seeing the cells and a little bit of how they run it. I feel like everything that we did was just us going to God and offering ourselves as a sacrifice for His work, and then just allowing Him to move as He pleased. The work of the LORD is so satisfying when it is done in His strength, on His timing, and by His power.

On that note, though, I also got just a small taste of what it is like to be in ministry. I know that it was so small relative to a lifetime of ministry, but seeing what Leah and Bolacs, and Kim and Andy to a certain extent, do on a daily basis was humbling and encouraging. It stoked the flame that God has started in my heart for missions, but reminded me that it is all of Him and His power. Just by what I saw over these ten days, I know that ministry of any kind cannot be done for long without the power and guidance of the Holy Spirit through prayer. What power a praying body of believers has! I’m still trying to figure out how exactly prayer works, but I know it both changes the heart of the pray-ers and allows God’s people to be involved with the plans that He is going to accomplish for them. To see the truth of Isaiah 55:10-11 in action was so awesome—“For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” To be able to pray that God would accomplish His purposes and then see Him do so was incredible.

I think that is something God has been showing me this whole semester—how real He is. I know it should seem like an obvious thing, but I think because we are in the flesh, I often tend to believe generally that God is a real Being with a Spirit and with emotions and thoughts, etc, but never specifically believe that He is real in my life. Sure, He may have done all the miracles He did in the Bible—and I believe that He did them—but I subconsciously don’t believe that He does the same, if not more, for me. But He showed me that He does answer my prayers. He does come and give me the words to say when I have none. He does comfort me in my affliction and give me peace in anxiety. His Spirit is real and truly provides those things. It is not an accident, it is not coincidence that after I pray or spend time in the Word I have peace and a quiet heart. It is the work of the living God, and how often do I disregard it! But this week, God proved Himself to me in a mighty way. I said things that I could have never said on my own; I had strength not my own, peace not my own, joy not my own, love not my own, excitement not my own, encouragement not my own; for every good and perfect gift is from above. God is so real! I pray that I will continue to see His reality more and more in my life.

One of the last things that really stood out to me that God showed me on this trip was just that ‘[our] adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” Towards the second half of the trip, the team and I started to really notice spiritual attack, and it was a good but humbling reminder that not only do we need to pray for success and God’s power to do His work, but furthermore, we need to pray for His protection from this lion. But praise be to Him!—“He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world.”

Sorry it ends kind of abruptly... I didn't really know how to end it, and I was two words short of going over my word limit, so I just ended it :) But there it is!

Miss you all!

Rachel